Today (Feb. 10) the Girl Scout Cookies I ordered were delivered. I look at the three boxes of goodness, one of which my all time favorite Thin Mints, and want to cry. No, I'm not on a diet or depressed. I'm PREGNANT! And I praise the heavens that Thin Mints freeze so nicely and will be waiting for me one day when I'm not sick.

As happy, excited, scared, anxious, exuberant, joyous, that I am, so far my first trimester - which is almost over as I'm 11 weeks - has been hard. I'm always nauseous and exhausted. The only time I feel okay is when I'm in a deep sleep or in the act of eating; otherwise, I'm sick.

To all the women who sailed through the first trimester with little to no sickness, I am way jealous of you. (This includes my sister who was only tired, but not sick, through her two pregnancies. We share genes for goodness sake, why am I not as lucky as her?!) To all the women who had a rough go, why haven't you shouted this from the mountaintops? Yes, yes I heard all about and knew morning sickness was to be expected, but I was not prepared for this. I would have liked a bit more of a heads up! Of course, knowing all this, going through this, wouldn't change a thing. I'd still want and desire to be pregnant, to have a baby.

The author of the pregnancy book I rushed out and bought after the first pregnancy test (of four - yes I needed multiple tests over multiple days to actually believe I am pregnant) wrote about the possibility that pregnancy was why the phrase "the female condition" was coined. I certainly understand the phrase now and no longer take offense to it. I embrace it as I embrace my belief that women can choose their own paths in life. To be a mom; to not be; to be a step, or adoptive mom; to have a career; to stay at home in a multitude of roles; etc., these are the choices we can make and make us no less of a woman than any other woman on a different path.

For the life of me I wish I could come up with a wise or witty transition to my next thought - but I can't because I have baby-mush brain, a.k.a. crushing exhaustion. Words, whole phrases, thoughts escape me all the time now. I am a person used to handling several tasks at once and now I struggle to stay on top of one task at a time. Working the news desk has certainly been a trip! My goal has been: Don't mess up the news! I make sure all tasks and requests are done, all crews aware of plans, and sigh relief when I make it through another shift.

To do this though I have completely stopped blogging and this makes me sad because I love to do it, but don't have the energy or the brain power to get it done. In all honesty I'm writing now, at 9:24pm, because if I don't do something that forces my brain to work, I will fall asleep right here on the desk. That would be bad.

A couple of weeks ago I decided I should vlog. I can record my thoughts and edit out all the babble or pauses as I try to recapture my thoughts. That hasn't happened yet because the thought of actually setting up the camera, even just propped on a desk or on a pile pile of books so I don't have to mess with any tripod, exhausts me. Seriously my arms ache at the thought of maneuvering any camera - and I'm talking flip cam, not one of the television station's expensive HD news cameras!

I've been told that it gets better after the first trimester and I hope this is true for me! I want my energy back. I want to be able to take my boys to school again. (For those that don't know my boys ages eight and nine, are my stepsons, and this is my first pregnancy.)  Right now I'm able to get up to spend precious little time with them before school, but then I go back to bed and my husband takes them to school.

My wonderful husband has also taken on ALL the household chores.  The smell of most cleaning supplies instantly makes me sick. The smell of most food cooking makes me sick. If I'm not at work or at meetings, I'm sleeping, so I'm not running any chores, like grocery shopping, or doing any of the laundry.  Actually, last week, or maybe two weeks ago, I put my own load of clothes in the wash and was so proud of myself! Of course my husband had to hang, dry and fold my clothes though.

Oh how I love my husband! I know I am lucky and I am grateful that I have such a loving man who is able to take on so much at home on top of his full-time career, as well as teach part-time. When I break down in tears in sorrow and guilt for not being able to do my part at home, he says, "your job is to be an oven!" and "I think pregnancy is beautiful." Then he kisses me and holds me until my tears stop.

Now more honestly, I forced myself to do that load of laundry because I already have only a few pairs of jeans/slacks left that I can comfortably fit into and feel comfortable only in big, comfy, sweaters. I actually haven't gained weight, I've lost 1lb due to being sick, but I've expanded. I don't know how else to describe it. My body is changing in a multitude of ways, including expansion. I'm not grossed out by it. I am amazed at it though.

I do have a lot more I want to say, but for now as my heavy eyelids threaten to close, I've actually made it until 10pm and it's time to watch the news leads for all the newscasts. As I can, either written, or through video, I will share more, like I'm only 5' tall, so how will I be able to drive once I get to a certain size? I don't think I'll be able to touch the pedals some day, so do I get pedal extensions or stop driving? See now I know I've got you hooked as you wonder, "how is she going to drive?"